Learning To Love
by joe'scookiecutterpopstar
Summary: He had always come in second best, even when he wasn't there, after the cliff dive, Jacob decides that he can no longer take it, seeing her in so much pain,and vows to show that he can be different, but how can it be easy with so many obstacles?
1. Chapter 1

Learning to Love

Chapter One: Pain and the Aftermath

Disclaimer: I own nothing

An: Please let me know what you think..on with the story..

Her breathing was soft now. Her eyes tightly closed. The expression on her face was painful. Like she was having a nightmare of some sort. I wanted to go there and comfort her, but I knew that I couldn't, because she would only push me away. And there was only so much more that I can take.

Her hands balled into tiny fists, ready to fight whoever was trying to get her in her dream. How much pain can one person take? I asked myself. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to be this _broken. _She was barely eighteen, this shouldn't be worrying her, but I knew Bella, and she was not a normal teenager, so of course she would go to the extreme.

Her body looked contorted in a way that looked not only painful, but also in a way that could never ever be comfortable. Her arms, lay jagged accross her torso, fists still balled, her head was turned right, her body left. It was at this moment that I wanted to kill Edward Cullen for putting her through this, for putting her through so much pain that she went around zombie-like just looking for a way for him to come back to her, no matter what, and this time, it had nearly killed her.

It was my turn to calm down now. He was gone. But I knew making her see that, would and had been hard.

I stood in the doorway unable to move, transfixed by the way she moved, her dream was taking her horrible places, her body was so tense, too tense for such a young girl. I could never forgive myself for doing that to her, if I ever did that to her-which I wouldn't.

Her eyes flickered open and I was beside her in an instant, her chocolate brown eyes boring into my heart, making the heat from my body sear to incredible new heights.

I stroked her hair "You left" she whispered, worried "You told me that you would never leave" she said, her eyes not focused now

"I'm here Bella, I always have been"

"No you didn't you left, you told me you loved me and you left me"

I now had the horrible realization that she was still asleep, her dream had become that bad now, that she was voicing it, my heart ached for her, I wanted so much to take her pain away, but she wasn't seeing me, her eyes were looking at him, she was seeing him, how could I ever help that?

"Bella sssh" I whispered, stroking the hair from her eyes, which was clung to her forehead, the mixture of sea water and sweat not doing it any favours

"Edwarrrrd" she shouted with all her might, though her throat was hoarse from all of the salt from the sea water she had swallowed

I squinted, I couldn't bare to hear it, her whole body shook with the power of her tiny voice, a single tear slid down my cheek, her whole life was revolved around hearing him now. She was a junkie, she wanted him to come back, to complete her again, for her fix.

"Bella"I whispered taking hold of her hand "Bella wake up"

Her body kept shaking, yet her breathing was calm, I needed her to wake up, Charlie and Billy were so worried about her. Everybody had been for some time now. And this had confirmed it for the final time.

But I was the one who had looked after her these past few months, I was the one she leaned on, for comfort and support and yet she still didn't see me. I was determined now more than ever to make her happy, to make her complete without him, even if I was only ever going to be a friend for her. I just couldn't bare to see her in this way.

She suddenly shook awake. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice that she was awake until her hoarse voice called out.

"Jake" she smiled, looking tired and cold

"Hey there" I smiled, whispering, so that Charlie wouldn't hear, he would want to come in, and I needed this time with her

"Thank you" she smiled, her eyes weak

I stared at her for the longest time, our eyes never leaving the other. Her hand slowly reached out towards me, feeling my face. I was perplexed as she felt my cheeks. Looking confused she brought her hand back to her side, wincing all the while.

"You've been crying" she noted innocently "Why"

I shrugged " I don't like seeing you in pain"

She smiled and turned towards me, her whole body contorted in serious pain.

"Bella" a voice called from the hallway, it was Charlie, her father

We both looked up, knowing that he would want to know why she did it. Her eyes searched mine and I nodded, moving out of the room, she called after me. My heart broke.

"Don't leave me" she cried

"I wont" I said, closing the door behind me, waiting patiently for her in the hall.

While I was waiting outside, I could hear Chief Swan's voice growing and growing in volume. He didn't know what she was going through, she had been a zombie for the past few months and he hadn't understood why. I knew everything, I knew why she was like this, I was the one who saved her, I was the one who was there for her when nobody else would listen to her. I had to stop myself, I had promised her not to leave and phasing would not help that problem. I could hear her weak feeble responses to him, all ending the same way, with her father interrupting her ,yelling:

"Its not ok"

I had to take deep breaths, he was making me so angry.

Billy had not appeared at this point, I think he had gone home, not wanting to disturb me, I imagined Sam brought him home. He knew that I wouldn't protest to taking him home because I had no other choice-I was a minor- but he knew that Bella could not be alone right now and that's the option he went with. I would have to say it to him later.

Charlie finally emerged moments later.

"She's not staying alone tonight" I mustered up in my most arrogant tone

I had to say I was nearly shitting myself.

"Yeah that's why I'm here" He said, his lips quivering

"I think that I should stay" I said, my voice wobbling slightly, I had never spoken to an elser like this, especially not Chief Swan

_Please don't kill me_ I thought to myself, I had never questioned him before

"I don't think so" he snorted, his temper beginning to rise once more

"Why" I asked, almost hitting myself for questioning him again

His eyes searched me, looking for an answer. When he had finally found a suitable reason, he looked up, his face stern.

"You're a hormonal teenage boy, Jacob, and as much as I like you, I can't get that thought out of my head"

"Bella needs me here tonight, I'm the one solid thing she has in her life right now"

He shook his head, completely defiant, crossing his arms. "She has me"

"Dad" Bella said, her voice almost painful

"Yeah" he answered back, not turning around

Her eyes were boring into mine once more and I couldn't help but smile. Her eyes were her most honest feature. That was my Bella, standing up for what she wanted.

"Please can he stay, just in my room, on the floor or something"

If I was staying there on any normal night I would be looking for a share in her bed, but not tonight, tonight was different, she needed somebody to trust. Somebody that wouldn't leave her, terrified and broken.

"Fine" he said, defeated, he knew that he couldn't win.

Moments later Chief Swan gently manoeuvred her into his arms, trying to cause her as little pain as possible but I still saw her wince as she was grasped from her comfy spot on the couch.

She was so weak, that it was very painful to see, her body was as helpless as that of a child, she needed to change, get some clean clothes and sleep. I needed to stop thinking of how I could win her over right now, she needed a friend to help her not a pimp.

Her dad laid her out on the bed, her body trying to mould to a shape that fit. It looked like she was searching for him.

"I'll make sure that you get some blankets and all, don't uh want you to be cold" Charlie managed in a gruff voice

I nodded my thanks, even though I was already roasting. I wasn't going to question him again.

He arrived back with an old fluffy pink comforter and a check one, which was undoubtedly used while fishing, I could tell, seeing as my dad had one just like it.

"Are you sure Billy doesn't need you" I nodded, he wasn't going to get rid of me that easily

Billy could cope for one night. I really hoped anyway.

He lookd unsure of the situation, but I settled myself into a nuke beside her desk and threw the blankets over me appreciatively. Charlie nodded and turned out the light.

As soon as he'd left, I looked over at Bella in the darkness

"Bella you need to change your clothes"

I could hear the head shake "No"

"What"

"Its too painful"

"I'll help you" I offered

She seemed startled "You will look"

It was my turn to shake my head "I won't"

_Even though every fibre of my being wanted to. _

I hoped that she could see the sincerity in my voice.

She was too tired to argue, simply trying to stand up.

"Wait" I called, fumbling around in the darkness to find her some clothes

Taking her hand in the darkness, I pulled her up to a standing position, and went behind her, trying to save her embarrassment, I gently peeled the shirt away from her body.

"Lift you arms" I instructed and she did, but with a sharp intake of breath.

The top fell to the floor and I grabbed the other top, my eyes adjusting to the beauty of her form, the simple lines and outlines of her body astounded me. I had to take a deep breath as I touched her body again to put the other top on.

"Have to take off my bra" she said her voice riddled with embarrassment.

She was not making this easy for me "Mmhm" was all I could manage

"Put your arms down" I instructed as I slowly traced my fingers over her skin, unclasping the bra. Her bare, naked form, it took all I had not to take her right there.

I gently reached down for the other top and placed it gently over her now raised arms, tracing her form slowly with my hands, capturing each deatil.

Her body tensed as I reached for her sweats

"Im not looking" I promised.

I was so nervous, her body was so brusied and sore, the gentleness killed me, because I wanted here right there to love her as only a man knew.

She was wearing simple orange panties, the light from the streetlights reflected onto her, making her almost scarily beautiful, and with shaking hands I pulled them down to her ankles, touching her skin as much as possible.

I shook my head. I should not be enjoying this like this. Her body was so amazing, but she needed a friend right now, not somebody who was taking advantage of the fact that she couldn't really move. I felt shame.

I handed her the bottoms, making her sit down as I slid them up. Making sure she was ok I kissed her forehead, placing her in the bed. I turned to go back to my corner, my body on fire after touching her more than I had ever thought I would get to. Though I wish it wasn't like this. I wish she wanted me as hers forever. But she only wanted him. But as I made my turn, she feebly tugged at my shirt

"Yeah" I asked, hoping my voice sounded ok

"Stay with me"

"I am" I answered, turning again to go to my makeshift bed

"No in my bed with me, holding me"

I didn't hesitate, and climbed into bed with her, pulling her towards me, wrapping my arms around her, ensuring she was ok.

"Thank you" she said in the dark

I simply kissed her cheek, hoping she wouldn't try and hurt me in the morning for it.

I rested my head on her shoulder, trying to show her that I was not going to hurt her in any way. I hoped that she could see that

Moments passed and she didn't move. Her breathing was steady. She seemed OK for now. Then without warning she turned around and kissed me, my breathing hitched and I matched my hands to the shape of her face.

It was a simple kiss, just slightly more than friendly, her lips pressed to mine, only parted slightly, allowing me to place numerous small kisses on her tender lips. It was my first kiss and even though it wasn't french kissing it had more emotion in it than any other type of kiss could ever have had. Even if it was just a friendly kiss, a dont leave me kiss or just a thank you kiss, I would remember it forever, and I'd do my best to make sure that it wasn't my last with her. But first I wanted to make her ok, no matter how long or what that took.

She pulled away, looking into my eyes she whispered "Dont ever leave me"

I shook my head pulling her close to me "I promise".

I knew that I couldn't give up on her now. This was just the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

Learning to Love

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Chapter 2: The Girl Next Door

An: Thanks for the feedback and clicking those fave and alert buttons means so much to me!!..keep it up..on with the story..

The sunlight crept in through the windows as I squinted awake, and I felt almost empty, her body was nowhere close to mine, she was over the other side of the bed sleeping, In felt like we were miles apart, but in fact, it was barely more than a half foot.

I took a look at her face, she looked peaceful now, her hair was stuck to her forehead, but that was probably my doing, seeing as I was about as hot as a fire, but she still looked beautiful. Her features showed no signs of stress and her body was stretched out freely, meaning her pain must almost be gone.

I lay there for what felt like hours until she woke. Her eyes blinked the sleep slowly from her eyes and she turned to look at me. And I melted, her eyes were bright and her face serene. It felt so good to see her like this.

"Morning" she smiled, moving herself closer to me

I moved forward and kissed her forehead, she closed her eyes "Sleep well?" I asked, moving back to my spot

She smiled "Yeah actually, best sleep I've had in ages, I should jump off cliffs more often"

I looked sternly at her "Making a joke already"

She nodded. Unabashed.

I shook my head. It was just like Bella to be so casual about everything.

Her eyes were glued to mine. "You know me" she smiled

I smiled, which came so easy to me when I was around her "Yeah"

We were both silent for a while. Unmoving. Yet nothing else existed past this girls eyes. They were bright and beautiful. And she had no idea how much I wanted her.

"So what are we doing for the day" I asked, hoping it wouldn't involve moving away from this house

"Well I don't wanna move too much for the day" _It was like she was reading my mind _"But I do have to take a shower first, I smell like the sea and salty sweat"

"No you don't" I said, not wanting her to move

"I do" she said, struggling to get out of the bed

I pulled her back to me, holding her close

"Im not letting you go" I smiled, as she pretended to struggle

"Really" she smiled and began tickling whatever she could reach

"B-B-Be-Bella stop" I giggled gasping for breath

"Then let me go" she smiled

"Nope" I laughed through her tickles

"Please" she asked, turning her head and pouting

My heart leaped, she looked so sexy like that, and she didn't even know it. Her lips looked so full and inviting, her eyes just lured me in. I wanted so much to kiss her right there, and not just a chaste kiss, a real kiss, a passionate kiss, one that took every bit of breath in my body away, but I couldn't.

"No" I whispered, my voice husky

"What do you want in order to let me go have a shower" she asked innocently

"A kiss" I couldn't believe that I just said that, I shouldn't have, it was so inappropriate

I could see the look in her eyes, contemplating her response, all humor gone now.

"OK" she replied

Without further warning, she leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. Everything went blurry for those two seconds, all that mattered was her. That was all that ever did though.

"Can I go now" she asked, looking up at me

I nodded "Yeah"

With that she untangled herself from me and headed out to the bathroom, her body weak. I sat there for what felt like forever, just dreaming about what she could possibly be doing in the shower. I closed my eyes as I thought of her naked in the shower, washing her body, soap lathering all over her body...

I snapped out of my dream to Bella coming back into the room. Her hair was freshly washed and I could smell her raspberry and vanilla scent and it was sending me in a twist, she was wearing a tank top and sweats and her hair was wrapped in a towel, but still she looked radiant, my dream didn't do her any justice.

I had no idea what to do now. I just hoped that my body wasn't giving her any idea what I was thinking. She took her hair from the towel and got back in bed next to me.

"You smell really good" I pointed out

She smiled, embarrassed "Thanks"

"So I was thinking" she said, looking up at me mischievously

"Yeah" I answered, hoping it would be good

"Charlie's not home"

_OK where was she going with this? _

"I was thinking that we could stay up here and.."

_OK now she was teasing me, this was unfair_

"Watch movies"

_What a downer. _My mind had conjured up all sorts of filthy images, that were definitely not gonna happen, yet I still held out hope for.

"Sure" I smiled "What ones had you got in mind"

"Nothing you'd like" she smiled as she made the attempt to get out of bed

As she walked to the cabinet which held her DVDs, memories of last night came flooding back. I cursed myself for enjoying it so much then, but now, I could really feel how much I was enjoying it.

She pulled out two DVDs as I pulled the covers up over me as best I could

"What about these?" she asked as she pulled out Super-bad and The Girl Next Door

"Do I have a choice?" I asked, as I tried to hide my excitement at the memory of last night.

_I hate being a hormonal teenage boy_

She shook her head and placed The Girl Next Door in the DVD player.

This was the wrong movie to watch, I soon realised as the teenage boy watched the girl next door get changed, sending me immediately into a fantasy about Bella. This was not good I was getting harder and harder thinking about her, one slight touch from her and I would be gone, all over the place.

As if she could read my thoughts, she began to snuggle into me. I closed my eyes and gulped, trying to think of anything that would get rid of the sensations that were now coursing through my body.

_Hairy armpits. Man boobs. Gay porn. _

It was working, but only slightly, it was still pretty bad. If she moved her hands, she would feel it, kill me, be grossed out and kick me out of here for good. I was supposed to be her friend, and look what I was doing, it was perverted, no wait it was worse than perverted, it was sick, and so so wrong.

It was now coming to the part where they were in the swimming pool, and Bella's breath was hot on my neck, like she was about to whisper something in my ear. Why was she doing this to me? I asked myself, there had to have been some part of her that was doing this on purpose, but then again it was Bella Swan, and she never did anything like this on purpose.

It was just my sick imagination.

"I've always wanted to try that" she whispered, her hot breath on my ear

"Break into a house and jump in a pool" I asked, trying to regulate my breathing. "Bella chances are you'll fall"

She smiled "Haha very funny aren't you?" she mock slapped me

Oh God. I thought to myself. Why me?

"I will do it one day" she promised "And you'll be there too!"

"Bella" I answered, pacing each breath so I could speak properly "Number one. There are no pools in Forks. It rains too much. And. Number two we would get. Caught"

Bella looked at me, she was obviously wondering what was wrong with me, but she didn't want to ask. I just took another deep breath, her wondering eyes were making it even harder. Every pun intended.

She obviously gave up the idea of finding out what was wrong with me, because the movie seemed to have caught her eye again, and she snuggled back down into my side, which I was very thankful for, I needed to get rid of it pretty quickly because she was driving me insane.

The movie played, they were at a party now, she was surrounded by guys and he walked up, pushed them away and kissed her. I could hear Bella sigh as she looked at the scene that played before her.

"I wish I had that" she whispered, her eyes getting puffy

What I felt now, overshadowed the need to ease the throbbing in my member, I felt pity for my best friend, putting my arm around her, I allowed her to snuggle closer to me and rubbed her arm

"You will someday" and I kissed her head

She looked up at me. "Thanks"

I smiled and hugged her close to me. She seemed contented in her current position, even though as the movie played out her eyes became more and more puffy. I felt so bad for her, any arousal I had previously felt was now gone, and I planned to keep it that way while she was so close to me, because I was focused on how much she needed me and not my filthy teenage thoughts of screwing her brains out.

It wasn't a sad movie but I could see why she was crying. They were two completely different people who met and fell in love. Like her and that bloodsucker. I could see how she could relate that to her life. Especially when they broke up.

But the movie was nowhere near over and it was beginning to get funny, maybe, just maybe the fact that they were beginning to talk about stealing a golden penis would cheer her up even slightly, I know that it was making me laugh. I saw a small smile on her face when she realised what was going on.

"Good choice" I smiled

"I know how to pick em" she smiled

Returning to her movie, she placed her hand across my stomach, her hand almost burning my too hot skin.

The guy in the movie was now making a speech about moral fibre. Heck, he was off his face, but he spoke every word like he meant me to say it to Bella.

_"Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about."_

"That's so beautiful" she whispered, wiping tears from her eyes

"It should have been written for me to say" I whispered, unsure why I was saying it.

"Why" she asked, looking up at me

"No reason, just he should have" I said, chickening out.

She shook her head "Jacob Black you are so strange sometimes"

I could almost have kicked myself for saying that to her. She knew that I liked her. I had told her on numerous occasions, just that now wasn't the time to bring it up at all. She was still coming round to the fact that Edward was never coming back, no matter how much she tried to pretend.

Her eyes were focused back to the screen now where the guy had just realised that all the money was gone from the account for some genius to come over and study in their school. _Nice guys finish last _I thought to myself. I was one of them. I should know

We stayed there just watching the film for a while. Just enjoying each others company, words weren't needed. Though I didn't focus much on the film. I just stayed there breathing her in.

It was their prom now. I had always thought prom was stupid and pointless. And then I met Bella. Then I knew I wanted to see her in a gown, holding her close to me while some wannabe played in the background.

"Prom" Bella huffed

But I could see that she was remembering hers. And it killed me inside to see her like that.

He leaned in to kiss her and I knew that's what I wanted with Bella. It was so beautiful, so perfect. What it would be like to have the most beautiful girl ever on my arm. To know that she was mine forever.

She leaned in even closer again and she began tracing circles on my stomach absentmindedly. She had no idea what she was doing to me. In the movie they were in a limo now, but I wasn't paying much attention to it, I was trying to control other important things, so as certain people wouldn't get grossed out. I pretended with all my might to watch the movie, but it was so hard that I didn't quite know what was going on in it.

Her hand slipped under my shirt, tracing lines around my abdomen, I tilted my head back and drew in a sharp breath. This was torture, I was in agony and she wasn't helping me at all.

"Jacob" she asked, looking up at me

"Yeah" I said, I could feel a huge tightening in my shorts, my voice strained

"Are you OK" she looked so innocent

"Mmm" was all I could muster right now. She was killing me. I felt so wrong for doing this here, in her bed, while she looked at me, wondering what was wrong, I shouldn't be like this at a small insignificant touch. But she was just so beautiful.

"Look at me"

I opened my eyes and looked down at her. God how I loved this girl. She made me feel alive. She made me feel so good, like we could be doing nothing and it would still be OK if she was there with me.

"You know how you said that you'd do anything for me, no matter what?" her eyes shot to the lump in the covers

_Please don't look there. _

"Yeah" I answered, taking everything I had not to moan out loud.

"I want you to kiss me"


	3. Chapter 3

Learning to Love

Chapter 3: I want to feel wanted

Disclaimer: I own nothing

An: Thanks for the reviews..and all the faves and alerts..keep doing it..on with the story..

I looked at her, startled. In any other situation I wouldn't have questioned it, but now, it was so completely out of the blue that I had to.

"Bella" I asked, not knowing what to say

"Just kiss me" there was an air of desperation in her eyes.

"Why Bella" I asked, stroking her freshly washed hair

"Because I want to feel wanted again"

The movie had obviously set her off, the guy and the girl just being with each other, feeling safe and secure, wanted and loved. Her hand continued to rub circles on my chest and it was making my breathing go all funny.

I didn't need much more convincing than that, in my mind I was just making my friend happy. That's all that mattered to me.

I lifted her face up to meet mine, looking in her eyes, she nearly hit my head by how fast she was going. But I stopped her, smiling, "Slowly" I whispered

I wanted to remember as much of this as possible, because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, she may never give in, so I was going to enjoy this, helping my friend feel better. Though it seemed very selfish that I was taking advantage of her in a vulnerable situation.

I pulled her close to me once more and placed a chaste kiss on her lips, savouring how good she tasted, the fullness of her lips, the feel of her lips on mine. But she didn't seem to want to take it slow, she pulled herself up on me, but I refused to give in to her. Even if she was grinding against me.

I wrapped my arms around her, feeling my way up her back, feeling the contours of her body, sending them to memory, forever. Her lips caught mine and she began to bite my bottom lip, _she was killing me, _I thought to myself , the sensations she was causing my body to have, I never before believed I could have.

I let out a small moan and she smiled softly, pulling herself closer to me, combing her hands through my hair. She kissed with more passion, her tongue begging for entrance to my mouth. I couldn't take it any more. I was going to enjoy this, just let instinct take over. I pushed her with as much force as I could, still ensuring that I wouldn't hurt her.

She lay there flat on the bed, her mouth just begging me to kiss it. And finally I was going to let her tongue dance with mine. I placed a bruising kiss on her lips,allowing her immediate access to my tongue, our tongues molded together, a perfect match for one another. I had never been more nervous and exited in my life, this was what I had dreamed about since I had known she was back in town.

I placed my hands on her waist, taking a break from her bruised lips, I began to place small kisses over her jawline and trailing down to the dip on her chest. I could feel her move beneath me, grinding against my hips, almost causing me to fall on her right there. She now knew what she was doing to me.

I brought my lips back up to hers. Placing fiery kisses on her lips, I could see her writhing beneath me, trying her best to get at my jeans, I knew that she wanted more. She wanted to have sex, but I wasn't going to do it, not like this, not when she would regret it, as would I because we wouldn't be giving completely to one another. It took every fiber of my being to push her away from me.

"Jacob" she was out of breath

"Not now" I replied

She looked so hurt, I almost gave into her right there.

"Why" she whispered

"Because I know you'll regret it"

She shook her head frantically "No I won't"

I looked into her eyes "Bella you will"

I was still hovering over her, looking at her perfect face. Tears began to pool in the corners of her eyes, I couldn't stand to see her cry, it made me want to. Her hand reached out to mine and I grabbed it with as much force as possible.

"I wont" she shook her head

I looked her in the eyes, determined not to give in "Listen to me Bells, you will regret it more than you think.."

"No-"

"Let me finish" the passion in my eyes was quite apparent right now, she didn't question it "I want this more than you could ever know, I've loved you from afar for so long, I've pined day after day while that bloodsucker was here, I've been here for you when he wasn't, nobody could show you what love is more than me, but not now Bella, not when you'll regret it"

"I won't" she began "Jacob, how do you know I won't regret this"

I kissed her cheek "I don't"

"Then why did you agree to this and not that" her lips pouted

"Because even if you do regret this, its only kissing, not your virginity"

Her eyes began to tear up again "You don't like me"

"I love you Bella" I almost shouted, instead it came out a strange loud noise

"But.."

"But nothing Bells, I'm not doing it, I love you too much to take advantage of you"

"But you said that you would do anything for me"

She was wearing me down, my resolve starting to fade. I would give in if she kept persisting. Exactly what I didn't want

"I would, and I will but not unless I'm more sure than anything that its what you really want or what you need" I kissed her softly, releasing her hand, taking her face in my hands

"I understand" she answered , but she looked hurt

I felt a little bad, but I knew that I could never live with myself, if I thought for even one second that she would regret it when we did it.

"Are you OK" I asked between kisses

She nodded, her tears drying, one by one as I kissed them away.

We spent the next twenty minutes how we should have spent the first, by kissing slowly and carefully, taking every little bit of each others mouths, making sure that no piece of the others was left not kissed.

Her eyes flicked open as I nibbled her bottom lip, her mouth forming an 'o' shape. Leaving one last kiss on her lips I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes

"Come to prom with me?"


	4. Chapter 4

learning to Love

Chapter 4: Forever

Disclaimer: I own nothing

An: Thanks for the reviews..please keep it up..oh and the alerts and faves really make my day...please keep it up...on with the story...

All humour was gone from her face. She sat up on her elbows, causing me to push back onto the bed.

"What" she asked me, her face confused

My face fell, her eyes looked at me, angry and upset. "Please come to prom with me" I tried, my heart pounding.

I knew that this wasn't going to go well.

"Prom?, with you?" she looked insulted that I had asked her

I lowered my head. I had to open my mouth and freak her out.

"Y-yeah why?" my palms were getting sweaty now.

Her eyes scrutinised me, looking for a reason as to why I was asking her to my prom. I couldn't believe that she was being like this. I didn't think it was that hard of a question to answer. It was only a fifty fifty possibility, a question with only two answers. Why was it taking so long? Was it really that hard?

"Bells" I asked, stroking her face

She pushed my hands away. She looked angry. I didn't understand.

"B-"

"Don't" she spat

Her face was contorted into a mixture of complete and utter pain and total loss and heartbreak. I didn't understand her.

"What?" I asked, confused by her sudden change of heart

"Don't you ever ask me that again" Tears were forming in her eyes, she was beginning to shake, her anger was gone, she was upset now. I was afraid to touch her, in case she forced away again.

"Why?" I asked, still cautious of her

My eyes were now stinging, my own tears threatening to fall. I didn't know what I had done wrong. I hated hurting Bella.

"Just don't" she answered, tears streaming down her face

She was frustrating me now, this sudden change within her, "Bella" I demanded with fire in my eyes, grabbing her now, I knew I shouldn't have

She pushed me away once more. Her whole body, with all its strength, seemed to forget the pain physically and remember what ever other pain I had evoked in her. A tear slid down my cheek.

"Bells" I whispered. She refused to look at me. That killed me more than anything in the world.

Both our tears were flowing freely now. Mine, for whatever reason I had upset her and her for whatever pain I had caused her. I needed to know what I had done to cause her to react like this.

"Because of the last prom" she shouted, her face full of her fallen tears.

I looked at her. I couldn't believe what she was freaking out over her. I didn't realise that she would freak out so much over a silly prom. I couldn't believe that she was still so not over him.

"Why are you freaking out over a prom?" I knew as soon as I had said those words, I regretted them.

She looked at me. Her eyes sprinkled with tears, unable to believe why I couldn't understand this.

"Because its when I knew that I would love him forever"

Both my anger and my tears resolved, her whole body was shaking, her tears were coming hard and fast now. She was doubled over in what seemed like tremendous pain, I knew what I had to do now.

I pulled her close to me, not caring what she did to me. I knew why she was crying now. I knew what kind of memories that would have evoked. How careless could I be? Asking her to prom like that, I should have been more considerate of what she needed. My prom was not one of them

"Bella" I whispered, pulling her as close as possible

"Please" she sobbed into my chest

I felt so guilty. I couldn't believe I had been so selfish as to think that she was over him. I wouldn't sleep with her because I knew that fact, how could I have been so stupid as to ask her to my prom. Why was it suddenly so important to me?

I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt, and it burned me. It burned because I knew that I had been so selfish, actually thinking and believing that she would actually go to my prom after going with that bloodsucker not six months ago. Knowing that she loved him and not me. That was another burn.

"Bells I'm so sorry" _how could I be so stupid? _

I rubbed her back up and down with my hand, soothing her as much as possible. Her pain was too much to bare. And yet, she thought that she was ready to have sex with me, yet she freaked out over prom. I would never understand her, but I would always be there for her. Even if it killed me.

I could feel tears threatening to fall again, as I pulled her close to me.

"Sorry" she mumbled

I didn't know what she meant by it, was she sorry, or was she just repeating what I had said. I looked down at her. I couldn't see her face, it was still mashed in to the side of me, drying her tears on my shirt.

"I'm sorry I freaked out" she mumbled into me, between tears

I kissed her head "I'm the one who should be sorry" I answered my own tears drying on my face, making it all tight.

She kissed my chest "Why should you be sorry"

I closed my eyes, the sensation was so wrong to feel now " Because I just didn't think about what you needed"

"Selflessness again?" I could hear a hint of a smile in her voice

"That was hardly selfless what happened right there Bella" I smiled, reliving the memory

"You mean when I freaked out" she wondered, her hands, trailed across my torso absentmindedly

"No when we..you know"

I was getting more and more embarrassed by the second

"It was Jake"

I scoffed "I enjoyed it too much"

She smiled as she looked up at me, her face sparkled when she smiled. Her whole body eased off me. But me, letting my hormones go wild, pulled her back to my side. She looked confused as I just held her and looked into her eyes. I could stay here all day and just doing that, but I knew she'd weird out on me, so I just let her go.

I smiled and looked at her face which was still confused. I tried to move on, I didn't want her to think I was some hormonal teenager. Even though I was. I wouldn't let myself do anything she would regret. Or I would. Even though I didn't say it before, it would kill me too much to make love to somebody who didn't love me back and I knew that I would regret it. That reason I would keep to myself.

I decided a change of subject was necessary. I didn't want her to feel sad. I needed to stop dweling on had always used me as her crutch, somebody to lean on to feel better. And right now I wasn't fulfilling that duty.

"So" I smiled mischievously

"Yeah" she asked, moving herself back into the covers of the bed

"You freak out about me asking you to prom" it wasn't exactly changing the subject, but it was making light of the situation

"Yeah" she said again, her face beginning to show the return of the anger. I needed to do this quickly, otherwise we would be taking another two steps back.

"But" I knew that I was dragging this out now

"Jake just get on with it!" she was getting frustrated now. I enjoyed it for some twisted reason. It meant that she was focusing her attention on something different.

"You wanted to have sex with me" I don't think she had much of an idea where I was going with this

She shrugged, all anger gone now. She knew that I was right "Well.." she whispered again

"Well why was that?" I was amused now

She turned red. I knew that whatever it was, she was embarrassed. I couldn't help but grin. It felt good to laugh with my friend, with the happy Bella.

"Its just me" she smiled "Being a girl you know?"

I shook my head, that was not a reason to get embarrassed over. I was going to enjoy getting this out of her.

She looked at me, her eyes full of hope that I would believe her. She smiled her sweet smile and began to mumble "I've..never had an..um..orgasm" the last word was barely audible, her face was fully red now

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself. Bella, innocent Bella wanted me, only so she could have an orgasm. That was a complete surprise.

"Not even you know with the bloodsucker" I questioned. She was too old never to have had one. But I was very interested to find out.

"No we only ever kissed"

To me, that was the best thing I'd ever head. To know that not only had they no had sex. The vamp had never so much as took advantage of her body.

"What about by you know.." I gestured to her, feeling my own face flush

She looked at me, her face matching mine. "No, I've never done it" She never once looked me in the eyes.

"Bells" I lifted her chin to meet my eyes

"You haven't ever had one have you?" she asked, unable to believe that I could possibly have had an orgasm

I nodded. Her mouth formed into a perfect circle.

"That's why I wanted to have sex with you" she mumbled "I wanted to have you as the first one to give me one"

I smiled. I loved the way she looked when she was embarrassed, so sweet and innocent.

She gave me a look. A look that told me she still wanted me, even if she loved Edward. But I wasn't willing to give her what she wanted.

"You do know that there are ways and means without having sex"

She nodded "I know, but I figured it would be so much better if you gave me it"

She was pleading with me now, I wanted so much to give her what she wanted. Me as her first. But, not when she called it sex instead of making love. Call me a pussy but I was always taught that sex and love go together, hence why it was called making love. Because it meant something to both parties. It was exclusive, giving of yourself, an I wasn't willing to give that away to just anybody who asked.

Even if I loved her.

It suddenly came to me. I could be the first one to give her an orgasm, but just in another way. It wouldn't compromise my beliefs and it would make her happy. And that was all that mattered to me.

"I have another way" I answered into the awkward quietness

"You do" she queried

I nodded. My heart was pounding more than usual as she looked at me, with interest.

"Would you be willing to trust me with something"


	5. Chapter 5

Learning to Love

Chapter 5: Whisper

Disclaimer: I own nothing

An: I'm so incredibly sorry for not updating sooner..college got in the way..thank you to everybody who reviewed and all..keep it up..its encouraging..on with the story..

Her eyes searched mine, looking for an answer. She looked confused, scared even.

"What is it" she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper.

"That wasn't an answer" I whispered, kissing her cheek

She closed her eyes and thought for a moment, her whole face scrunched up, not knowing exactly what I was on about. She didn't know just how amazing she was, even just in that moment, she astounded me.

Her eyes finally opened "I trust you" she smiled, placing her head on my shoulder

"Good, then you wont ask any more questions" I smiled, though my heart was pounding.

She gave a long sigh and I took that as an affirmative.

_Time to get started_I thought quietly to myself as I trailed soft kisses down her neck, moving her top to get better access to her collarbone. Her eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, tilting her head back to allow me better access. I suckled on what I had found to be the sensitive spot on her neck, eliciting a heavy sigh from her mouth. Her heart rate was quickening, much like my already too quick heart, she was struggling to sit up so I took her gently in her arms and placed her on the bed, like she were a breakable doll.

As I lay on top of her, I had to wonder how anybody could have left someone so beautiful, someone so intelligent, someone so nice, no matter what the situation. I thought it was pure madness, there was an never would be a reason that I could agree with why he left. But, in some was I'm glad that he did leave, because it brought me closer to the love of my life.

I was lying on top of her now, being careful not to place all of my weight on her. Her body was beginning to sweat under my heated one and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I smiled and kissed her gently, running kisses from her forehead to her jawline, slowly pushing my hand up her shirt. Her chest began to rise and fall rapidly, I was getting worried now, it didn't sound too healthy.

"Bells" I whispered, looking from her eyes to her shirt.

She nodded, and I gently lifted the shirt off her, trying to cause her as little discomfort as possible. I gasped as she revealed herself to me for the first time, she was so beautiful that I couldn't help but stare at her. She caught me and instantly turned an adorable shade of tomato.

"Bells you're beautiful"

She smiled up at me and my heart melted, it was hard not to love her.

I rubbed my hand across her torso, looking at just how different our skin tones were. It was like milk with coffee, two polar opposites yet they go very well together. I moved my hands across her chest, from her tiny waist to her perfect torso, drinking it all in. Her eyes closed once again, I could tell that she was enjoying this, I never wanted it to end.

I placed a soft kiss on her torso, slowly moving my hands up towards her two perfect peaks. My hands were shaking, I had never done this before, I wanted to make this perfect for her, so that she would always remember it with fondness. But my lack of know how was going to make it tough and the fact that I was unbelievably turned on wasn't going to help matters.

I softly took one of her soft peaks in my hand, feeling it, committing it to memory. A small moan escaped her lips, she really knew how to torture me, I was sure I had never been this aroused before. I kissed across her collarbone as I continued to brush my hand across her peak. Her body writhed beneath me and I wanted so much to want her to make love to me, but not for the wrong reason, I wanted her so much to love me the way I love her, so that I could give myself to her, but this would have to do.

I took one of her pink nipples and began rolling it between my thumb and forefinger. "Jake" she moaned, I swallowed hard, her voice was so full of lust, it was killing me because it was making me so turned on, and it wasn't supposed to be about me. I could smell her arousal, it was like torture to me, I was struggling not to ravage her right then and there. I took her other breast in my hand, working both of them, her breathing becoming almost erratic, her face was a mask of total pleasure, her hands grabbing at the bed covers.

I could no longer take it, I placed a bruising kiss on her lips, my body was frantic with passion, but I didn't want her to feel just how aroused I was. But she could feel it, because I could feel a small hand in my pants slowly making its way to my shaft, running her hand up and down it with unexpected finesse. I closed my eyes in pure pleasure, I could feel myself tightening, but as her hand moved around the tip, I came back down to earth and pulled her hand away.

She looked at me, she seemed upset, her forehead creased and tears began to form in her eyes. "Bells" I whispered "This is for you, not me".

She nodded "But I wanted to make you happy"

"You do, just by being my friend" I smiled and kissed her soft lips

The pang of pain that rushed through me when I said that was undeniable, the fact that she was just my friend was a killer, especially now, the situation I found myself in.

She seemed satisfied with that answer, I could sense that she was still pretty aroused, kissing her with passion, I slowly began to move my hand towards where the aroma was coming from, my other hand moving over her taut nipple. Her breathing picked up again as I moved closer to her centre. Her pants were loose so my hand slid in with ease, she gasped as I ran my hand over the soft curls, her back arching.

I placed delicate kisses down her soft peaks, being extra careful not to lose my control and have my way with her. My hand found its way to her soft folds, massaging them as she dug her nails into my hair. She moaned as I found the bundle of nerves hidden behind the soft folds, I began rubbing it with as much force as I possibly could, feeling her becoming more steadily wet than she already was. "Ha..uh" she moaned, becoming unnervingly beautiful in her passion.

I had no idea what I was doing, I was more nervous now than I had ever been in my entire life. My heart pounded in my chest, my thoughts were worse than sinful and it was getting harder to restrain myself. Her chest heaved from the heat of my too hot body on hers, her face glowed with the glistening of sweat on her forehead, her eyes closed shut, she looked angelic.

Moving my hand from the bundle of nerves to her core I pushed my finger in to her slick entrance, sucking in a deep breath as I felt Bella for the first time, slowly I began pumping my finger in and out of her, but, I realised that her reaction wasn't as strong as when I had rubbed the bundle of nerves, so I began using my thumb against it while I used my finger to pump in and out of her.

She began writhing beneath me again, her hands now leaving my hair and returning to the covers, grabbing them in her fists, she curled her toes, her body tensed, I knew that she was nearly there.

Her body began to shake "uh..oh..uh..uh"

Her eyes were still fused shut, I knew that she was just there, but there was just wanted one more selfish thing that I wanted

"Open your eyes Bella"

I wanted to see her as she came.

She opened her eyes, they were full of lust, I couldn't look away.

Her mouth opened in an 'o' shape "Jake" she whispered as she shuddered, her centre pulsing around my finger, her eyes never leaving mine. It seemed to last forever, but eventually, her body shuddered one last time and calmed down, removing my finger, I placed a soft kiss on her lips, our foreheads connecting as I brushed her hair off her glowing face, holding my hand there.

We stayed there trapped in the moment, our eyes connected and then suddenly ,she smiled.

"Thank you" she whispered

I smiled again, and in that moment it didn't matter that she didn't love me the way I wanted her to love me, I knew that I needed to give myself to her, to show her that I would always love her no matter what I believed about sex and its place.

I took a deep breath and looked at her "Can I make love to you"


End file.
